Here's to putting myself out there and joining the Blogger Challenge from Nutritionally Yours
I've opened up my personal blog to my family, friends and new-found friends in 12WBT...so why not more people? Telling my story...sharing my trials and tribulations will help me in the end (at least that's what I think anyway!).
So here goes...
- Tell us a little bit about yourself. What makes you, you?
I turned 40 in December 2011...the big 4...0...wow. I'm still reeling from that realisation to be honest. I used to tell myself that I would get my weight under control before I turned 40, that it would only get harder from that age and that I had plenty of time to make the changes necessary to lose the weight. Boy was I wrong...life takes over and I kept pushing away those rampant thoughts telling myself to get in shape.
I'm originally from Canada and moved here because...well, let's just say that I was running (away from myself, avoiding my issues and thinking that someone else - yes, a man - could fix everything). Boy was I wrong! BUT, I left that d***head and ended up meeting a wonderful man named Mark. One thing led to another and we married in 2005. Mark has three grown children of his own and we now have four grandchildren who have been added since then.
I work full time in the city in the legal industry and enjoy cooking, though rarely have enough time to really indulge my cooking fantasies due to the commute to and from work and daily committments, but obviously I love food. I love to eat food and eat and eat and eat. Portions are my problem.
- Why did you decide to do the 12WBT?
I originally saw the 12WBT advertisement and thought my husband might benefit from it (he's a police recruit and has changed his whole life around working out every week and eating much more healthily than ever before in his life). His need for dietary change affected my own eating habits (for the better) and I lost 15kg last year...but put it all back on (and more) when I started to revert back to cooking using pre-packaged, pre-prepared meal bases and eating A LOT over the holiday season. We weren't going to do anything with the program, but I kept seeing Michelle's face everywhere...and I just thought to myself "why not, what have I got to lose?". I read up about the program, found a few people online talking about it in their blogs and realised this just be the right tool to get me back to where I needed to be.
- What are you hoping to achieve through the program?
Confidence within myself. Obviously to lose weight but I want to gain the confidence to make the changes in my eating and exercise habits for the rest of my life. I need the support that Michelle's forums and followers provide.
- Why have you decided to blog about the 12WBT? What will be the main focus (eg, food, exercise, a bit of everything?)
I used to journal as a child and know how important writing about your thoughts and feelings is to a process which involves significant changes...so I decided I had to do it. I needed to share what I was going thru, if to no one else but myself so that later on I could read it and realise just how far I've come.
- How will you be exercising this round? Gym, home, outdoors or a mixture?
With my husband exercising to join the police we've set up a home gym complete with a treadmill, elliptical machine, weight bench, chin up bar, ball, boxing gloves and pads...so really I had no reason to join a gym. I knew that I could also ride my bike and work out in the footy oval across the road as well.
- What is your greatest strength that will help you?
Wow...strength...that's not something I see in my personal life usually. Don't get me wrong, I know I'm a strong and determined person when it comes to work or my married life...but my personal life (my weight, my confidence and all those things that affect my body and mind) well I have never felt strength.
But if I have to find the one thing that would help, I guess I'm a very organised person (sometimes to my detriment as I will keep organising when I should be doing!).
- What are you afraid of?
Not winning, not completing, finishing the program and losing the weight...I'm afraid of a lot actually. None of it makes sense but it's a well-grounded fear that rips through me every day.
- What are you looking forward to the most over the next 12 weeks?
Coming to the realisation that I am strong, that I am capable of doing this. Meeting new friends. Building a better relationship with myself and being happy with my physical and emotional self.
- What is your downfall? Food? Exercise? How will you overcome this?
Exercise...it's my biggest issue. I always find an excuse not to exercise. I have issues with my lower spine which I've lived with for over 20 years and it has affected how I deal with all aspects of my life.
- If you had to pick one word to motivate you over the next 12 weeks, what would you choose?
Believe.
I need to believe in myself, believe in the program, believe in others when they tell me I can do it.
I avoided these tasks until I absolutely had to do something about them.
Task 6 - Kitchen makeover wasn't too difficult as I had already done this makeover over 6 months ago (and there was barely anything left to throw out). The only things still remaining are chicken biscuits for the grand kids (and I don't like them much so they're not a real temptation) and my mini Reese's Peanut Butter cups in the freezer (these are a temptation but I've kept them because they are only 42 calories each and if I'm absolutely desperate for a chocolate fix I can have one and not feel completely horrible). Mish would probably kill me for having them in the freezer but I figure one mini piece isn't a huge ordeal if it's all I eat of them. And I know I can avoid them because they're not even remotely on my mind throughout each day.
Other than that...there aren't any horrible cereals or high fat content foods in the house. I usually buy whole foods and only occasionally buy bottled pasta sauce or things like that (which I haven't bought in a while now).
Task 7 - Organise and Diarise was a little harder to do. I know it's my biggest problem (fitting in exercise in each day) and that is something I'm just not sure how to fix. I've diarised that I would be working out every morning before work each of the exercise tasks Michelle has posted for me, but I only followed my diary two days last week.
I know making these changes is important to my success...I just don't know how to make them. I know I need to start riding my bike and get riding every day to and from the train station. This will be one way to get my exercise into every day.
I aim to do this by the end of this month...and be riding my bike every day by the end of this first month in the 12WBT program.
Task 8 - Measure up
This one was the hardest of all the tasks...I didn't want to know my measurements nor did I want to see my before photo. I knew deep down just how bad it was, but I didn't want it written down on paper, out on the web for Michelle's team to see.
I mean, how could I let them see it when I could barely look at the measurements myself?
I'm an avoider...I avoid conflict wherever possible in my personal life. And my weight has been the biggest item I've avoided all my life.
I've fed my fear, punished my muscles with non-use and pushed my weight consciousness into the back recesses of my mind. I knew that taking the measurements would give it strength and it would be hardest thing to avoid in this program. And now it sits in my consciousness taunting me saying "you can't do this, you never have been able to so why bother trying now, you're 40 years old and everyone says it's harder when you're this age or older..." and on and on.
Can't.
Cannot.
Horrible to hear from anyone else let alone listen to them inside your head telling you that you can't do it.
I WON'T GIVE THOSE WORDS POWER ANYMORE.
I CAN, I WILL AND I AM...MAKING MY LIFE BETTER...TO STRENGTHEN THAT SLIM GIRL WHO'S BEEN LOCKED AWAY INSIDE BENEATH THIS FAT.
I WILL NO LONGER LET THIS TWISTED, NEGATIVE AND HORRIBLE PERSON TELL ME WHETHER I CAN OR CANNOT DO THIS BECAUSE I CAN DO THIS AND I AM DOING THIS!
Okay, my first week wasn't the greatest...
I am finding it hard to get the exercise into my schedule. I know it's one of my biggest excuses but I'm not sure how to change this excuse at this time.
I get up at 530am every day, make lunches for me and my husband, tidy the kitchen, feed the cats, get my things ready for work, shower and then take off for work. When I get home (anytime between 630pm and 730pm at night) I get dinner ready, eat and then clean up.
By the time everything is tidy it's usually 9pm or so. At that point it's time to catch up with my husband for a half hour or so before heading off to bed (he's busy studying his Uni degree via distance education so is usually locked away in the office until dinner and then goes back in until 930pm when he breaks for the night and has a quick cuppa with me.
I've been trying to make some meals to freeze, but last weekend (my first weekend on the 12WBT) I was only able to squeeze in time late at night to cook. And the rest of the time was spent looking after my grand kids and trying to do some household chores (laundry and cleaning). With the rain that we've been experiencing it's making things hard to get done (laundry is still hung out on the back deck and the floors are filthy).
I've signed up for yoga at work, which runs every Tuesday at 515pm, which is a start at least. I know then that I get that workout over before heading home. I've tried preparing the lunches and work stuff the night before, which helps out, but the last time I exercised first thing in the morning I threw my back out (probably because I wasn't quite awake and trying to work out to Mish's DVD).
Don't get me wrong, I am losing weight (as of yesterday I'm at 109.1kg, which is great) but I feel like I'm taking two steps forward and one step backward every minute of every day.
Refocus Gisele.
Regroup and get on with it.
I'm still making progress but not as quickly as I had anticipated.
I just need to keep making the changes and things will work out in the end because everything will become a habit and I will make the changes I need to make all of this a habit.
This weekend is my first SSS with the Blue Mountains crew...it should be interesting as I can barely do any of the exercises at this time, but I needed to make the commitment to going, to making a commitment to exercise at all!
I figure if I go and do anything (whether it's the complete program or not) it is exercise and I will get better with time!
Then it's a weekend of grand kids, cooking, cleaning (and more cleaning) and waiting patiently on Sunday for my husband to call saying his exams went well.........
Until then, every day will have a bit more exercise in it. And every day will have a renewed promise to myself to better my eating habits and continue with reshaping my life (and my body in turn!).
I wish I could say I have great news about my first weigh in...but I don't.
On a positive note I didn't gain any weight...but I didn't lose any either.
Yesterday wasn't a great day for me. Don't get me wrong, I exercises a little in the morning but I knew it wasn't enough (especially considering I ate a couple of the chocolates that came with my Valentine's bouquet from my husband). I decided before leaving work that I was going to work off those chocolates when I got home, but I knew it wouldn't be enough because I was eating too many other calories in the day from not monitoring my portion sizes.
It's amazing how eating just a little more than you should affects it all.
