2012 - a year full of possibilities - I only need to JFDI !!!!!

Okay, there are two other things which you need to know (if you're at all interested!)...the first is I love food...the second is that I'm overweight.

Actually, technically I am considered obese being more than 50 kg over my ideal weight.  There I've said it...I'm obese.  I don't think I've ever admitted it to myself before this year, so I'll say it again.  I'm obese.

Now that I've made that statement, I'll make another one...I am not prepared to continue like this any more.

I can't walk up more than a flight or two of stairs without losing my breath or sweating profusely.  I never thought I could exercise or do anything to fix my being overweight because I ignored the fact that I was obese (yes, I said it again!).  And in ignoring it, I didn't have to face facts...that I HAD to do something about it or else die from it.

Sooooo...this January, I started watching what I ate, writing my food intake in my MyFitnessPal application on my new iPad2 that I was given for Christmas.  I realised every day that I was exceeding my calorie by eating at least (if not more than) double what I should have been eating.  That was horrible but oddly enough not a hugely shocking revelation.

I started to cut back on what I ate but didn't really notice any difference, and was going thru the normal up and down craving surges throughout the day.  But I didn't know what to do about it. 

My husband's boss has been fighting a losing battle with his weight for years and has recently booked in for lap-band surgery.  My husband came home one day saying that the meal replacement bars and shakes his boss was on smelled pretty good and suggested I give them a go. 

To be honest, I was a little hurt by his suggestion because I thought I could work through all of this and figure it out.  But I had to step back from the emotions I felt and think about his suggestion logically.  I realised that if I had those at breakfast and lunch, I could probably remove the temptations surrounding my day at work.  So I bought a few to test out...but I didn't buy the same ones my husband's boss did...and they weren't that great. 

I decided to perservere and buy some of the same type my husband's boss did...and I'm glad I did.  What a difference!

Within one week I had lost 4 kg...and I didn't feel too bad.  I was eating a healthy main meal at night (with little or no carbs) and I wasn't starving or going through horrible headaches or anything.

One day I came across Michelle Bridge's website http://www.12wbt.com/ and oddly enough I thought that it could benefit my husband not me so I sent him the link suggesting he take a look at it.

I didn't think much of it, but references back to that website kept popping up...in my emails...on different websites I was viewing and even a blog I happened across.  It stayed at the back of my head for a day or two until I woke up one morning thinking, "I think I can do it".

So I joined.  I'm now a member of the 12 Week Body Transformation Session 1 in 2012. 

I still harboured the thought that I couldn't do any of it and procrastinated doing any of the preseason tasks.  I kept finding other things I could do (laundry, tidying the kitchen...anything) to keep from doing them.  I was afraid of what it would reveal, scared of finding out that all my reasons for not exercising in the past were all a lie.

But two nights ago I started.  It wasn't as painful as I thought, but it was still gut-wrenching.

I've lied and convinced myself for years that I became the way that I am because of things out of my control.  But they weren't...I had a choice to eat and not exercise.  I had a choice to put EVERYONE ahead of me and not allow time to do anything for myself.  As Michelle has said, I have responsability....the ability to respond to whatever is put in front of me and I have the ability to choose whatever path I want to choose.

Well I have the choice now...and I DO have the ability.  I have the ability to lose weight, to exercise, to eat healthier options.

I have to remind myself of a favorite acronym of Michelle's that I've seen all over her forums which has become my motto for my preseason tasks...

JUST F***ING DO IT

This year is my year.

This year is the year where I will enjoy being who I am and learn to love myself again.