Blogger Challenge - 12WBT Round 1 - 2012

Here's to putting myself out there and joining the Blogger Challenge from Nutritionally Yours

I've opened up my personal blog to my family, friends and new-found friends in 12WBT...so why not more people?  Telling my story...sharing my trials and tribulations will help me in the end (at least that's what I think anyway!).

So here goes...

1. Tell us a little bit about yourself.  What makes you, you?
   
   I turned 40 in December 2011...the big 4...0...wow.  I'm still reeling from that realisation to be honest.  I used to tell myself that I would get my weight under control before I turned 40, that it would only get harder from that age and that I had plenty of time to make the changes necessary to lose the weight.  Boy was I wrong...life takes over and I kept pushing away those rampant thoughts telling myself to get in shape. 
   
   I'm originally from Canada and moved here because...well, let's just say that I was running (away from myself, avoiding my issues and thinking that someone else - yes, a man - could fix everything).  Boy was I wrong!  BUT, I left that d***head and ended up meeting a wonderful man named Mark.  One thing led to another and we married in 2005.  Mark has three grown children of his own and we now have four grandchildren who have been added since then.
   
   I work full time in the city in the legal industry and enjoy cooking, though rarely have enough time to really indulge my cooking fantasies due to the commute to and from work and daily committments, but obviously I love food.  I love to eat food and eat and eat and eat.  Portions are my problem.
   
   
2. Why did you decide to do the 12WBT? 
   
   I originally saw the 12WBT advertisement and thought my husband might benefit from it (he's a police recruit and has changed his whole life around working out every week and eating much more healthily than ever before in his life).  His need for dietary change affected my own eating habits (for the better) and I lost 15kg last year...but put it all back on (and more) when I started to revert back to cooking using pre-packaged, pre-prepared meal bases and eating A LOT over the holiday season.  We weren't going to do anything with the program, but I kept seeing Michelle's face everywhere...and I just thought to myself "why not, what have I got to lose?".  I read up about the program, found a few people online talking about it in their blogs and realised this just be the right tool to get me back to where I needed to be. 
   
   
3. What are you hoping to achieve through the program?
   
   Confidence within myself.  Obviously to lose weight but I want to gain the confidence to make the changes in my eating and exercise habits for the rest of my life.  I need the support that Michelle's forums and followers provide.
   
   
4. Why have you decided to blog about the 12WBT? What will be the main focus (eg, food, exercise, a bit of everything?)
   
   I used to journal as a child and know how important writing about your thoughts and feelings is to a process which involves significant changes...so I decided I had to do it.  I needed to share what I was going thru, if to no one else but myself so that later on I could read it and realise just how far I've come.
   
   
5. How will you be exercising this round? Gym, home, outdoors or a mixture?
   
   With my husband exercising to join the police we've set up a home gym complete with a treadmill, elliptical machine, weight bench, chin up bar, ball, boxing gloves and pads...so really I had no reason to join a gym.  I knew that I could also ride my bike and work out in the footy oval across the road as well.
   
   
6. What is your greatest strength that will help you?
   
   Wow...strength...that's not something I see in my personal life usually.  Don't get me wrong, I know I'm a strong and determined person when it comes to work or my married life...but my personal life (my weight, my confidence and all those things that affect my body and mind) well I have never felt strength. 
   
   But if I have to find the one thing that would help, I guess I'm a very organised person (sometimes to my detriment as I will keep organising when I should be doing!).
   
   
7. What are you afraid of?
   
   Not winning, not completing, finishing the program and losing the weight...I'm afraid of a lot actually.  None of it makes sense but it's a well-grounded fear that rips through me every day.
   
   
8. What are you looking forward to the most over the next 12 weeks?
   
   Coming to the realisation that I am strong, that I am capable of doing this.  Meeting new friends.  Building a better relationship with myself and being happy with my physical and emotional self.
   
   
9. What is your downfall? Food? Exercise? How will you overcome this?
   
   Exercise...it's my biggest issue.  I always find an excuse not to exercise.  I have issues with my lower spine which I've lived with for over 20 years and it has affected how I deal with all aspects of my life.
   
   
10. If you had to pick one word to motivate you over the next 12 weeks, what would you choose?
    
    Believe. 
    
    I need to believe in myself, believe in the program, believe in others when they tell me I can do it. 

Tasks 6, 7 and 8 - a re-cap!

I avoided these tasks until I absolutely had to do something about them.

Task 6 - Kitchen makeover wasn't too difficult as I had already done this makeover over 6 months ago (and there was barely anything left to throw out).  The only things still remaining are chicken biscuits for the grand kids (and I don't like them much so they're not a real temptation) and my mini Reese's Peanut Butter cups in the freezer (these are a temptation but I've kept them because they are only 42 calories each and if I'm absolutely desperate for a chocolate fix I can have one and not feel completely horrible).  Mish would probably kill me for having them in the freezer but I figure one mini piece isn't a huge ordeal if it's all I eat of them.  And I know I can avoid them because they're not even remotely on my mind throughout each day.

Other than that...there aren't any horrible cereals or high fat content foods in the house.  I usually buy whole foods and only occasionally buy bottled pasta sauce or things like that (which I haven't bought in a while now). 

Task 7 - Organise and Diarise was a little harder to do.  I know it's my biggest problem (fitting in exercise in each day) and that is something I'm just not sure how to fix.  I've diarised that I would be working out every morning before work each of the exercise tasks Michelle has posted for me, but I only followed my diary two days last week.

I know making these changes is important to my success...I just don't know how to make them.  I know I need to start riding my bike and get riding every day to and from the train station.  This will be one way to get my exercise into every day.

I aim to do this by the end of this month...and be riding my bike every day by the end of this first month in the 12WBT program.

Task 8 - Measure up
This one was the hardest of all the tasks...I didn't want to know my measurements nor did I want to see my before photo.  I knew deep down just how bad it was, but I didn't want it written down on paper, out on the web for Michelle's team to see. 

I mean, how could I let them see it when I could barely look at the measurements myself? 

I'm an avoider...I avoid conflict wherever possible in my personal life.  And my weight has been the biggest item I've avoided all my life. 

I've fed my fear, punished my muscles with non-use and pushed my weight consciousness into the back recesses of my mind.  I knew that taking the measurements would give it strength and it would be hardest thing to avoid in this program.  And now it sits in my consciousness taunting me saying "you can't do this, you never have been able to so why bother trying now, you're 40 years old and everyone says it's harder when you're this age or older..." and on and on.

Can't.
Cannot.
Horrible to hear from anyone else let alone listen to them inside your head telling you that you can't do it.

I WON'T GIVE THOSE WORDS POWER ANYMORE.

I CAN, I WILL AND I AM...MAKING MY LIFE BETTER...TO STRENGTHEN THAT SLIM GIRL WHO'S BEEN LOCKED AWAY INSIDE BENEATH THIS FAT. 

I WILL NO LONGER LET THIS TWISTED, NEGATIVE AND HORRIBLE PERSON TELL ME WHETHER I CAN OR CANNOT DO THIS BECAUSE I CAN DO THIS AND I AM DOING THIS!

Week 2 - Day 2

Okay, my first week wasn't the greatest...

I am finding it hard to get the exercise into my schedule.  I know it's one of my biggest excuses but I'm not sure how to change this excuse at this time. 

I get up at 530am every day, make lunches for me and my husband, tidy the kitchen, feed the cats, get my things ready for work, shower and then take off for work.  When I get home (anytime between 630pm and 730pm at night) I get dinner ready, eat and then clean up.

By the time everything is tidy it's usually 9pm or so.  At that point it's time to catch up with my husband for a half hour or so before heading off to bed (he's busy studying his Uni degree via distance education so is usually locked away in the office until dinner and then goes back in until 930pm when he breaks for the night and has a quick cuppa with me.

I've been trying to make some meals to freeze, but last weekend (my first weekend on the 12WBT) I was only able to squeeze in time late at night to cook.  And the rest of the time was spent looking after my grand kids and trying to do some household chores (laundry and cleaning).  With the rain that we've been experiencing it's making things hard to get done (laundry is still hung out on the back deck and the floors are filthy). 

I've signed up for yoga at work, which runs every Tuesday at 515pm, which is a start at least.  I know then that I get that workout over before heading home.  I've tried preparing the lunches and work stuff the night before, which helps out, but the last time I exercised first thing in the morning I threw my back out (probably because I wasn't quite awake and trying to work out to Mish's DVD).

Don't get me wrong, I am losing weight (as of yesterday I'm at 109.1kg, which is great) but I feel like I'm taking two steps forward and one step backward every minute of every day. 

Refocus Gisele.
Regroup and get on with it.

I'm still making progress but not as quickly as I had anticipated.
I just need to keep making the changes and things will work out in the end because everything will become a habit and I will make the changes I need to make all of this a habit.

This weekend is my first SSS with the Blue Mountains crew...it should be interesting as I can barely do any of the exercises at this time, but I needed to make the commitment to going, to making a commitment to exercise at all!

I figure if I go and do anything (whether it's the complete program or not) it is exercise and I will get better with time!

Then it's a weekend of grand kids, cooking, cleaning (and more cleaning) and waiting patiently on Sunday for my husband to call saying his exams went well.........

Until then, every day will have a bit more exercise in it.  And every day will have a renewed promise to myself to better my eating habits and continue with reshaping my life (and my body in turn!).

Week 1 - Day 3 - Wee and Weigh in Day

I wish I could say I have great news about my first weigh in...but I don't.
On a positive note I didn't gain any weight...but I didn't lose any either.


Yesterday wasn't a great day for me.  Don't get me wrong, I exercises a little in the morning but I knew it wasn't enough (especially considering I ate a couple of the chocolates that came with my Valentine's bouquet from my husband).  I decided before leaving work that I was going to work off those chocolates when I got home, but I knew it wouldn't be enough because I was eating too many other calories in the day from not monitoring my portion sizes.


It's amazing how eating just a little more than you should affects it all.

Week 1 - Day 2 - Trials and Tribulations

Ok, day one is over...and not too bad considering I hadn't exercised in years.

My eyes felt like they were glued shut this morning when the alarm went off.  I could barely get out of bed let alone try and exercise.  But I got up and walked on the treadmill for 15 minutes because I didn't think my back could manage anything with the DVDs and even then I was quite sore when I got off the treadmill!

I wonder if it's only because my muscles are so out of shape that the slightest bit of exercise is causing them to clench right up.

When I was on the train I regretted not doing more exercise earlier but I was so tired I slept from my station all the way into the city.  I'm sure most of the other commuters appreciated my snoring too!

I plan on doing some of the toning DVD this afternoon when I get home...working extra at work today will have to wait because I need to get my exercising up a bit more every day.  

I'm determined to get my main workouts done in the morning before getting to work.  It will take a lot of effort and retraining on my part but I'm sure I can do it.  The main thing I need to refocus on is getting to bed no later than 10pm so I can get my minimum of 6-7 hours sleep a night.  Otherwise I'll just be wiped out and won't be able to get up in the morning!

This weekend I hope to ride to and from the train station to gauge my reaction with how I will go biking to and from work (and to time myself so I can make my train on time).  The sooner I can do that the better it will be for me in the end cause I'll definitely be getting some form of exercise every day no matter what.

Maybe I should print up some inspirational pictures/sayings to post them around the house...maybe I'll put the Rocky movie soundtrack on my alarm clock to wake me up?

Week 1 - Day 1 - Completed

Yesterday, Michelle officially opened up the gates to a different world.

Ever since I decided to do something positive about my health and weight I've made a conscious effort to record the foods that I eat, look at my habits and figure out just what I'm doing wrong.

What I've come to realise is this:

I am an emotional eater...big time!

When I'm stressed, I eat.
When I'm happy, I eat.
When I'm sad, I eat.
When I'm angry, I clean...and then I eat.

I learned that my biggest problem has been to change my comfort eating to some other form of comfort.  The most logical choice is to focus it on some form of exercise...but man oh man, I think I'll find that hard to change.

Yesterday morning I woke up 15 minutes BEFORE my 5am alarm (that's how excited I was...or was it apprehension I was feeling?) thinking about my exercise.  Unfortunately, I didn't get up when I woke up, but tried to sleep in a little more because it was SOOOOO comfortable.  I regretted it later when I finally crawled out of bed at 5:20am because I felt more lethargic and lazy than ever. 

But I got up.  I changed into my workout gear.  I put my runners on and tried out my new cardio DVD. 

I could ONLY manage the warm up and 2 sets before my back began to twinge.

I thought about just giving up for the morning, after all I got through some form of exercise didn't I?  But then I thought, no...that's not the right thing to do.  So, I turned the news on and jumped on the treadmill to speed walk for 10 minutes.

I'm pretty happy that I did that...even though I knew I could have used my usual excuses and just quit.  I normally would have said to myself, 'well, at least you did something!', but I knew deep down that only doing 2 sets just wasn't good enough.

Funnily enough, I burned more calories on the treadmill than doing the DVD workout.  So maybe I may re-think my exercises until I get a bit more confident and feel a bit lighter.

I'll definitely try the other recommended exercises during the week and see how I go but I'm going to work on Michelle's tummy workout exercises to try and strengthen my poor weak muscles in my back and stomach.  They are just crying out for help!!!

Dinner last night was....beef with avocado and corn salsa...and it was yummy.

Of course, I made a little extra for my husband and step-son...and I shouldn't have because I served myself more than I should have then.  Portion control Gisele!!!

Tonight, dinner will be Penang Chicken which everyone has raved about so I'm hoping it will be good!

I'm finding the old excuses crop up with my exercising...and I have to learn to ignore them.  I even snapped at my husband this morning when he prodded me to get up and exercise before going to work.  I shouldn't have snapped, but I was so tired I could barely think straight...and my back was a little sore.

Not that it was too sore to walk on the treadmill but it was really tender.  I ended up having a few twinges in my back but I guess that's to be expected on muscles that haven't seen a bit of exercise in years!

As I only walked on the treadmill for a short time today I think I might try and do Michelle's toning DVD this afternoon when I get home.  Hang on...'might try'...did I actually use those words???? Someone slap me!

Task 5 - Say It Out Loud

Well universe, here it is...I'm going to work hard to lose this weight and I need your support!  

• I commit to trust myself and to believe I am strong.
• I commit to not listen to negative comments about my abilities.
• I commit to exercising in some shape or form every day.
• I commit to follow the 12WBT food guide, to cook healthily, to eat healthily and if I slip up to get right back onto the program and continue because this isn't a diet but a way of life.
• I commit to not beat myself up every day for being overweight but to focus those energies into exercising and making sure I achieve the goals I've set.
• I commit to my family and friends that I will not be offended if they remind me of my goals or prod me in the right direction if I'm led astray.
• I commit to be a role model for my stepchildren and step grandchildren, for them to learn what it means to commit to something they really want and aspire to, for them to understand that life sometimes is hard but that it's worth every second and to cherish every second with your loved ones.
• I commit to help others in the 12WBT program and let others help me in this journey.
• I commit to ME!!!!!

Task 4 - Gear Up

Thankfully I don't have to purchase much in the way of new gear.

I've decided that most of my training will be done at home, as I already have most of the equipment already needed to do everything at home (treadmill, elliptical machine, weightbench, fit ball, iPod)

I'm now the proud owner of a new Polar FTF HRM.  It looks great, now I just have to test it out!  A new pair of training shoes should be purchased today, because I've procrastinated enough and desperately need a new pair.  I'll also be looking for Michelle's 3 DVD set. 

A portable step and additional dumbbells to add to our collection will have to wait until the weekend (cause I don't think I can carry all of THAT home with me!).

Gearing up is the simplest thing for me to do out of all these tasks...and I'm almost there...so I better get going and buy my training shoes and DVDs now!!!

Task 3 - Take Control - Set Your Goal

Wow...this task has opened my eyes wide to the possibilities of what I can achieve.  I now know I CAN and WILL achieve my goals.  I just have to put my mind and body towards each day's tasks, each exercise I need to do, each mouthful of food I need to eat - and I will achieve it.

I currently weigh 113.2kg (ouch, I put on 1.3kg just by eating pizza two nights in a row!).

I want to reach my personal goal weight of 60kg, which means I need to lose 53.2kg.  Almost half my current body weight and when I convert that to what I'm used to seeing...I need to lose a whopping 117lbs!!!!!!!!!!!! 

That's what I weighed when I was 16 years old. 

I need to lose my teenage self.  Crazy!

But following Michelle's guidelines, I think it's achievable!

My goals for the next month

My weight goal is to lose 8kg by the time I have my Australian Citizenship ceremony on 13 March.

My physical goal is to be able to ride my bike to and from the train station every day to work.

How I will achieve my 1 month goals...

• I will follow the 12WBT food guide.
• I will ride my bike every weekend once each weekend for a minimum of 30 minutes.
• I will not go over my portion sizes.
• I will walk every day at work during my lunch hour, rain or shine.
• I will bike to and from the train station at least twice in the last week of the month.

My goals for the next 3 months

My weight goal is to have lost a total of 16kg (and finally be under the 100kg mark).

My physical goal is to be able to run 1km on the treadmill and feel more fit and health for my reunion holiday with my family in Greece.

How I will achieve my 3 month goals...

• I will follow the 12WBT food guide.
• I will ride my bike every weekend at least once for an hour.
• I will not go over my portion sizes.
• I will walk every day at work during my lunch hour, rain or shine.
• I will bike to and from the train station every day.
• I will exercise six days a week, increasing the intensity and amount of exercise.

My goals for the next 6 months

My weight goal is to have lost a total of 30kg by the time my husband graduates from the Police Academy.

My physical goal is to be able to fit into a size 12 dress and walk proudly up to my husband feeling proud of both of us for having achieved our goals.

How I will achieve my 6 month goals...

• I will follow the 12WBT food guide.
• I will ride my bike every weekend at least once for a total of 2 hours.
• I will not go over my portion sizes.
• I will walk/run every day at work during my lunch hour, rain or shine.
• I will bike to and from the train station every day.
• I will exercise six days a week, increasing the intensity and amount of exercise.

My goals for the next 12 months

My weight goal is to have reached my goal weight of 60kg.

My physical goal is to be able to exercise with my husband and being happy and healthy together.

Are my goals SMART?  I believe so...and breaking it down into segments is quite illuminating and makes it even more achievable rather than only looking at the final weight I want to achieve.

I would normally say 'wish me luck' but I am now asking all of you to 'wish me determination and strength' instead!!!! 

Task 2 - Get Real - No More Excuses - JFDI

Well, what a stressful few days this has been but I'm determined to learn the steps to not listen to the excuses and find the time I need to complete the tasks I have to finish before Round 1 begins.

Michelle asks us to take full responsibility for ourselves, our bodies and how we think. Hmmm...not sure how to do all of that but I think I'm beginning to get a glimmer at what's involved. You see, I've only just started to mention to friends, family and workmates that I've joined this program and it has been interesting to hear the comments (both negative and positive).

My husband was the first to mention my joining this program on Facebook. I was surprised by his statement on Facebook but felt his support tremendously when he wrote how proud he was of me. His support has helped me a lot over the last few months to deal with my insecurities about my weight.

However, some of my work colleagues and friends have been not as supportive saying that it's a waste of money or time to do any of this program; or even saying that they can do all of this on their own so why should they join something like this. Well, oddly enough almost all of the people who commented negatively all have weight issues, maybe not as extreme as mine but they all make their own excuses why they are the way they are.

Ever since having watched Michelle's video and read the information in Task 2 I've heard so many excuses from many people. I never realised just how many there were and how often people made them! And now I'm seeing how I'm making the excuses not to exercise, not to eat right, not to put the effort into making things work so that I can be healthier.

So, with all that being said...I'm laying myself on the line here by posting my excuses on here...but I have to...I need to...

These are my internal excuses - ones that I know I've been telling myself

1. I'm unfit, I just can't work out like everyone elseI have back problems
2. I don't have time - I commute 3 hours every day and work full time
3. I am too tired when I get home
4. I need to cook dinner when I get home before it's too late
5. I'm scared of failing - I don't want people to judge me because I've had a momentary lapse in my eating habits or by not exercising
6. I'm scared of everyone finding out I'm a failure
7. I'm scared I won't be good enough for anyone
8. I'm scared of finding out I'm not such a good person even when I'm thin and healthy

Most of those are really frightening to admit, to be honest all of them are frightening to admit but I'm laying them out there for everyone to trample on because that's what those excuses deserve!

And here are my responses to them!

1. I'm unfit because I haven't even started to exercise in any way shape or form. Just by going out for a walk 30 minutes every day will help improve my health and then I can do more and more each week. No excuses - JFDI
2. I have exercises that will help build strength in my back and protect my back muscles - I only need 15 minutes every day to do them. No excuses - JFDI
3. If I have time to watch TV, I have time to exercise. If I have time to log onto Facebook for more than 5 minutes, I have time to exercise. I can record my shows and watch them while walking (and eventually running) on the treadmill. No excuses - JFDI
4. I'm tired because I'm not doing any exercise. I know that even doing a little bit of exercise gives me more energy and makes me feel better, so why not walk around the block one more time or get off my butt to do some squats or fit ball wall presses while waiting for the veggies to cook in the steamer. No excuses - JFDI
5. Why not prepare my meals in advance, or prepare everything in the morning before going into work? I can probably chop or even cook some of it before heading into work so that I spend less time in the kitchen in the evening. I can prepare more food from the night before for lunches or even the next evening's meal. No excuses - JFDI
6. 7. 8. and 9. These are really big excuses and ones I have never wanted to admit to anyone, let alone myself. I always strive for people to accept me, both in my work life and in my personal life. I want people to like me and so I'm in constant fear of being rejected. I don't want people to see me as a failure. But I'm not...I have a wonderful husband who loves me and says that it doesn't matter what shape I am but who I am that makes the difference. I have respect from work colleagues and family about the type of person I am and have become. Imagine the respect for me they will have when I become a better person, not only on the outside but on the inside for learning to trust myself and believe in myself.

These are my external excuses - ones that I can control yet find ways to believe in them

1. I don't have enough money to spend on personal trainers or by going to the gym
2. I don't like exercising in the cold, rain or heat
3. I need to look after my husband first
4. I work long hours sometimes
5. I hardly have a social life now, let alone spend more time on exercise
6. My stepchildren cause a lot of stress for my husband and I, and I don't want to leave him alone when he's stressed.

And here are my responses to them!

1. I don't need money to exercise - I have DVDs, a bicycle, a treadmill, an elliptical machine, a fit ball, a weight bench, free weights etc. No excuses - JFD one of them for 30 minutes
2. If it's cold - wear more clothes while riding your bike outside and wear gloves; if it's raining - walk/run on the treadmill or work out to a DVD; if it's hot outside - bring a water bottle, wear a hat, bring a towel to wipe up the sweat I know I will perspire. No excuses - JFDI
3. My husband can look after himself for an hour every day. He needs me to be healthy and fit so I can look after him. If I'm sick, he worries; if I'm unable to keep up with him, he'll leave me behind. If I'm not happy, then he won't be happy. No excuses - JFDI
4. Working long hours doesn't mean I'm working 24 hours a day. I will always have time in the morning to jump on the treadmill or do a few sit-ups while the bathroom is occupied; or how about preparing the dinner the night before so I can spend that hour working out. No excuses - JFDI
5. Hmmm....I've begun to realise over the last few days that my social life has increased already, just by joining 12WBT! I have more friends online and more that I have met last weekend, with many more to meet over the next coming weeks as we work out together, supporting each other through our weight loss. I have plans now to do things weeks, months in advance and I never had that before. No excuses - JFDI
6. My stepchildren are grown adults and even though we need to be there for them (and always will be), they need to learn to fend for themselves, learn to live their lives not on the coattails of their parents. Also, my husband is strong and can deal with any problems met. I've seen it time and time again that he has the ability to do this. Yes, he needs me to support him during those rough patches, but he is more than able to meet the demands of having children. Plus, even if I'm out on my bicycle, or on the treadmill - I'm only a phone call away and can come straight back when needed. No excuses - JFDI

These are my external excuses - ones that I can't control but need to acknowledge may arise

1. My husband becomes ill
2. My stepchildren or grandchildren have a crisis or become very ill

Unfortunately, there isn't much that can be done with those, however I need to learn the habit when I'm stressed and am either searching in the fridge or pantry for food, to find something useful to do - clean the kitchen - go for a walk - vacuum - exercise. Learning new ways of expressing my anxiety or fear by doing something physical (exercising or cleaning) or reaching out for support from friends and family, will best serve me in the long run.

So what I have learned from all of this?

I've learned that my excuses are hollow - they have no foundation to stand on and will collapse as soon as I put any pressure to them.

I've learned that I've barricaded myself behind these excuses because I'm afraid - but my fears are unfounded.

I've learned that I can find time each day to do even 10 minutes of exercise.

I've learned to JFDI

2012 - a year full of possibilities - I only need to JFDI !!!!!

Okay, there are two other things which you need to know (if you're at all interested!)...the first is I love food...the second is that I'm overweight.

Actually, technically I am considered obese being more than 50 kg over my ideal weight.  There I've said it...I'm obese.  I don't think I've ever admitted it to myself before this year, so I'll say it again.  I'm obese.

Now that I've made that statement, I'll make another one...I am not prepared to continue like this any more.

I can't walk up more than a flight or two of stairs without losing my breath or sweating profusely.  I never thought I could exercise or do anything to fix my being overweight because I ignored the fact that I was obese (yes, I said it again!).  And in ignoring it, I didn't have to face facts...that I HAD to do something about it or else die from it.

Sooooo...this January, I started watching what I ate, writing my food intake in my MyFitnessPal application on my new iPad2 that I was given for Christmas.  I realised every day that I was exceeding my calorie by eating at least (if not more than) double what I should have been eating.  That was horrible but oddly enough not a hugely shocking revelation.

I started to cut back on what I ate but didn't really notice any difference, and was going thru the normal up and down craving surges throughout the day.  But I didn't know what to do about it. 

My husband's boss has been fighting a losing battle with his weight for years and has recently booked in for lap-band surgery.  My husband came home one day saying that the meal replacement bars and shakes his boss was on smelled pretty good and suggested I give them a go. 

To be honest, I was a little hurt by his suggestion because I thought I could work through all of this and figure it out.  But I had to step back from the emotions I felt and think about his suggestion logically.  I realised that if I had those at breakfast and lunch, I could probably remove the temptations surrounding my day at work.  So I bought a few to test out...but I didn't buy the same ones my husband's boss did...and they weren't that great. 

I decided to perservere and buy some of the same type my husband's boss did...and I'm glad I did.  What a difference!

Within one week I had lost 4 kg...and I didn't feel too bad.  I was eating a healthy main meal at night (with little or no carbs) and I wasn't starving or going through horrible headaches or anything.

One day I came across Michelle Bridge's website http://www.12wbt.com/ and oddly enough I thought that it could benefit my husband not me so I sent him the link suggesting he take a look at it.

I didn't think much of it, but references back to that website kept popping up...in my emails...on different websites I was viewing and even a blog I happened across.  It stayed at the back of my head for a day or two until I woke up one morning thinking, "I think I can do it".

So I joined.  I'm now a member of the 12 Week Body Transformation Session 1 in 2012. 

I still harboured the thought that I couldn't do any of it and procrastinated doing any of the preseason tasks.  I kept finding other things I could do (laundry, tidying the kitchen...anything) to keep from doing them.  I was afraid of what it would reveal, scared of finding out that all my reasons for not exercising in the past were all a lie.

But two nights ago I started.  It wasn't as painful as I thought, but it was still gut-wrenching.

I've lied and convinced myself for years that I became the way that I am because of things out of my control.  But they weren't...I had a choice to eat and not exercise.  I had a choice to put EVERYONE ahead of me and not allow time to do anything for myself.  As Michelle has said, I have responsability....the ability to respond to whatever is put in front of me and I have the ability to choose whatever path I want to choose.

Well I have the choice now...and I DO have the ability.  I have the ability to lose weight, to exercise, to eat healthier options.

I have to remind myself of a favorite acronym of Michelle's that I've seen all over her forums which has become my motto for my preseason tasks...

JUST F***ING DO IT

This year is my year.

This year is the year where I will enjoy being who I am and learn to love myself again.

About me

Here goes...
I'm not sure what to say but I'll start with the basics first and then if you want to learn more keep reading!

I was born in the USA, but don't remember a thing about any of it cause my parents moved back to Canada when I was around one.  I have 6 brothers and 3 sisters (and a twin that passed away when we were 3 years old).

I grew up mainly in Quebec, finishing year 6 there while speaking french and english at home with my family and friends.  After moving from Quebec to New Brunswick and then Alberta, my parents settled in British Columbia and that's where I ended up going to junior and high school.

My brothers and sisters are scattered all over the USA and Canada, so if ever I need to travel across the continent I'm sure I could make it to their homes without having to book a hotel room ever!

I moved to Australia on 15 December 1999...long story...suffice it to say that I'm no longer with that person!

I met my husband in 2002 and couldn't imagine my life without him...he is the love of my life.